"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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