bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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