Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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