And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
