i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize