Nicole vs. Life
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
