And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
