im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
