You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
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They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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