it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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