I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
