She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
