Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
