Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
