Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
