the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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