At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
