so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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