I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
