Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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