she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize