her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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