Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
