now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
