life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
