god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
