he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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