get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm both gender and math confused
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
