How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
They took my balls.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
