Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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