people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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