I wish life had little blips of pornography
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
