I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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