Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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