Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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