I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
