highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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