Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
