i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
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My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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