On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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