This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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