I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
