Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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