My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He passed out mid-signature
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
