Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
