Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
