Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
