you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
