if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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