Ambien. No doubt about it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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