He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my sisters under your porch take her home
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
