but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
