You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
