It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
