I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
