yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
