you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize