Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
