Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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