Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
