Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
