Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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