I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
