I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
