areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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