He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
